Chattar Singh

My maternal uncle’s house is in Jalandhar, and right next to it was Chattar Singh uncle’s house. They had a small shop where they sold biscuits, chocolates, notebooks, pens, and other snacks. We used to visit their shop every day to buy treats and stationery.

Chattar Singh uncle’s wife was a very sweet lady. She always spoke with a lot of love. Her name was Rani Aunty. Chattar Singh uncle, on the other hand, was a very nice man but also a bit of a grumpy old fellow. Rani Aunty always had a sweet smile on her face whenever she sold us something. She would ask us questions and engage in a little chatter. She often praised us as well. To me, she would say, ‘You are so cute. I could talk to you for hours.’

In contrast, Chattar Singh uncle would address us in a very rough tone, saying, ‘What do you want? Hurry up!’ If we stumbled, stammered, or got confused, he would scold us: ‘Make up your mind before coming to the shop! Don’t waste my time? 

 I was scared of Chattar Singh uncle, and so were my other cousins. We used to pass by the shop just to check who was sitting there—Chattar Singh uncle or Rani Aunty. If he was in the shop, we would wait until it was Rani Aunty’s turn to take over.

To be honest, Chattar Uncle was sweet sometimes, too. As I mentioned, he was a good person. If we were upset, he would be kind to us. He was a good man; it was just his face that looked grumpy. He was old, with a white beard. Being a Sikh, he wore a turban along with a pant-shirt combination. I remember that the colors he wore were always grey, blue, or brown.

Now, I never pranked Chattar Uncle directly, but since his name, Chattar, sounded a bit like mine, Chetna, I used to play pranks on my family and random people with it. When I was seven years old, I developed a new hobby. I would take a newspaper, find advertisements for property sales, and call the numbers using a handkerchief folded like a phone—just like in movies.

I would say in a grown-up tone: ‘Hello, mera naam Chattar Singh hai. Tusi land kine di vach rahe ho? Eh kithe aa? Mai kado dekhan aa sakda?’ (Hello, my name is Chattar Singh. How much are you selling the land for? Where is it located? When can I come to see it?) The people on the other end had no idea who was calling.

Sometimes, my mama ji (uncle) would get callbacks. “We got a call from Chattar Singh ji about buying land,” they would say. Initially, everyone was shocked and confused about why they were receiving calls from ‘Chattar Singh’ at their house. Since we also had a landline, they slowly did the math—2 + 2 is 4. Chattar Singh was actually Chetna!

One day, when my mami (aunt) was cooking, my cousins were busy playing cricket with friends, and my other cousin was at a neighbor’s house, I decided it was the perfect opportunity to play my prank. My uncle was outside, and I was alone in the room with the landline. I grabbed a newspaper and started making a call. Suddenly, my mami came running in from the kitchen! She had been keeping an eye on me and caught me red-handed.

I got scolded, but it was funny because they were laughing while scolding me. They were in shock—they never expected me to call like a real grown-up! They asked me why I did it, and I simply said, ‘I enjoy it.’

From that day onward, I was banned from sitting in the room where the landline was. It’s still a funny memory that makes us all laugh!

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